The problem with deception is, you don’t know you’re walking in it until it’s too late. Considering the way I was living, it shouldn’t have been such a shock to discover my period was two weeks late. I was in the middle of a shift at work when it dawned on me. Initially, I didn’t even entertain the idea I was pregnant. Girls have irregular periods all the time. Surely I couldn’t be pregnant?

As soon as my shift ended, I walked across the road to the chemist. I avoided the gaze of everyone in the store including the cashier, paid for the test and made my way to the nearest public toilet. Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.

Positive…

Hardly the environment to find out you are pregnant; the grubby public toilet was an unwelcome reminder of the double life I was living. Staring at the result, I was shocked and ashamed. I had been in complete denial about the way I was living. The facade I was trying to maintain came crashing down. The consequences of my decisions had caught up with me.

What would my parents think?
 I had a university degree to finish.

What would people at church think?

I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. Like a scary scene in a movie, I wanted to look away and wait for it to pass.

I felt numb. In a paralysed state of mind, I spent the next few days researching ‘things to avoid when pregnant.’ Then one by one I tried them all. I found my mum’s collection of essential oils, then choosing the ones with the warning ‘do not use when pregnant,’ I rubbed them on my body, burnt them in my room, and sniffed them straight from the bottle. I ate a diet rich in ‘foods to avoid when pregnant,’ and took excessive amounts of laxatives.

Anything that could be linked to miscarriage was worth a try.

But I remained pregnant. Pregnant and silent.

Panic set in.

Tunnel-visioned, I dared not even cry out to God for fear He’d be angry. I didn’t want to know what He thought, or what anyone else thought for that matter. I just wanted to figure it out on my own and be left alone. The best I could do was shut down my emotions so it wouldn’t hurt so much.

How could I allow myself to get into this situation?….

An excerpt from the book Daughter Wait! by Carly Riordan

Daughter Wait!

Daughter Wait! is an invitation to consider a different approach to dating and relationships. If you have ever wondered: How do I have a Godly relationship? How do I know if he is the one? What are realistic boundaries in a Christian relationship? How do I move on from a broken heart? Then this book is for you.

Written in Carly’s unique conversational style, you’ll cry, laugh and cheer as you follow her story of love and loss. Daughter Wait is a timeless reminder that regardless of your past, God has the best for your future.

Carly lives on the Gold Coast, Australia with her husband Joe and their two girls: Beni and Selah. She is a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, a lover of His Church, His people, His Word and life in general. Daughter Wait! is the first of many books she hopes to write. 

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