The call to leadership and building the church is one that I’ve felt strongly since my early days as a Christian. One of the first hurdles I had to overcome was reconciling feelings of inadequacy and being unskilled.

The resolve came as I understood effective leadership hinged not on my ability to lead but rather my on my ability to follow Jesus. If I was following Him and loving people then everything else would look after itself. Still to this day as I get up to lead worship I remind myself that I am not the worship leader, the Holy Spirit it. My only job is to follow Him.

Over the years in the efforts of being a good steward of the leadership I’ve been entrusted with, I’ve read the books, attended the conferences and done all the things in the hope I’d become better equipped as a leader. But all the while I am taken back to where it all began: followship first.

Perfectionism, Judgment and Leadership

It’s no secret that I can be very opinionated at times. I have to remind myself often that opinions don’t build the church. Judgement and perfectionism can so easily cloud what I know is beautiful, and perfect through the eyes of Christ. In times where I struggle to things as He sees them, I’m in awe of those who’ve walked with Jesus for a lot of years. Who have been faithful decade after decade and whose hearts have remained uncluttered and free when it comes to serving and leading. What a blessing. I’m sure it doesn’t happen without intention and diligence. I want to be like them.

Songs that capture moments in time

This morning as I stacked the overflow of last nights dishes into the dishwasher I absentmindedly sang an old song. My husband commented on the ‘blast from the past’ and it dawned on me that my soul was nudging me. Songs have a way of catapulting us into moments in time, capturing thoughts, feelings and reminders in a way that is deeper than our surface-level understanding. Given the time and attention, you can learn much from the song of your heart.

As I walked later that day I played the album that the song came from and was attentive to what my soul was reminding me of.

Songs and a presence that moves

I was transported to a season in church life where I recalled the practice of introducing new songs to the congregation. We’d start by asking them to be seated while we played it for the first time. We would then play the song through and when it came time for the last few choruses we’d invite the church to stand and sing along. The song was now officially baptised into the regular setlist.

Inevitably during these times there would be one or two people would be so moved by the new lyrics and melody they couldn’t stay seated and would have to stand. I was one of those people on a number of occasions. Being so moved that I couldn’t stay with the status quo, needing to respond in spontaneous worship, feeling a slight embarrassment that I was standing out but acknowledging that and wanting, even more, to show Jesus that it was Him alone I was standing for.

The collision of these thoughts

Right there was the intersection of a number of thoughts over the past weeks.

I never want to allow my heart to get complicated when it comes to building His church and loving His people. Fifteen or so years on from my first steps in leadership, I now consider myself fairly competent as a leader. I’ve learned some skills thank goodness. Yet here, I am reminded once again it is not my leadership skills or their lack of that God is interested in. Paul’s words echo in my mind:

‘The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him.’

Philippians 3:8-9 The Message

Lead with your life

When it comes to leading worship I want to lead with my life. Not reliant on leadership skills, setlists, knowing what to say and when to say it. But rather, my life would be so consumed with following Jesus, the undeniable presence of God would be felt. Times where people can’t help but be moved; not by their emotions or their physical being as they are lead physically; but spirit to spirit. That the congregation would lead in spontaneous moments of worship. My prayer for me, my prayer for you it that we would lead with our lives.

Last week I read a passage from my favourite authors Shauna Niequist. In her book Cold Tangerines she wrote:

‘About 90 percent of the reason why I write is for what it does on the inside of my life, and about 10 percent for what it produces on paper.’

These words jumped out of the page for me. This also is why I write. As with many things in this season I feel like I am coming to a full circle. I’m nailing perfectionism to the cross. Getting back to basics. Writing words that inspire my soul. And hoping along the way that perhaps you are inspired too.

Lead with your life,

Carly Riordan